Freeze tag

I over heard my youngest daughter and son discussing the rules to their new game “shadow”. Apparently it’s like freeze tag-the person who’s “it”has their back turned to the other players. He or she turns around and the other players freeze. But according to my daughter “mommy’s can’t play because they have eyes in back of their head.”

I just about peed in my pants laughing. I wondered why she often felt my head. She’s been looking for my eyes!

Since my husband died I feel like my life is frozen. Like I can’t turn around to let life happen. I’m constantly staring at my old life, fearful of what may happen if I turn around and let my life go on without my husband.

My kiddos are getting older. My mom is going through chemo for her recurrence of cancer. Repairs are being made on the house. The 6 year old will be 7 soon and then none of the kids will be the age they were when their daddy died. Things are different then they were on June 1st 2015.  Life is going by so fast. And I’m trying to keep it from moving. I know that Clay would want me to keep going. To keep living. But it’s a hard thing to turn around and let life happen.

But I am going to have to let life happen or I’m going to miss it. And I don’t want to miss it. And I know Clay wouldn’t want me to miss it either. I would have been upset him if the shoe was on the other foot.